charmingly evil

I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

I am: tired, frustrated, angry and sad. Not necessarily in that order.

Two ex-boyfriends had starring roles in my dream last night, as did a giant cheeseburger. All three were quite unexpected. It is weird to know that even on the long side of a decade later, my subconscious still wants an apology.

Is it May yet? May is my new "everything will be better then" deadline. I've had so many of those in my short life. None of them ever lived up to the hype, but then, does anything?

"We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on."

1.) I don't ignore the silver lining.

2.) I cannot see the silver lining.

3.) I am sorry I act like you're a fool for retaining the ability to hope, because I haven't.

4.) I keep waiting, but I don't get better. I try to change, but fail every time. Check the archives, nearly 10 years of documented douchebaggery on my part live right here.

It has been awhile since I've written here. Never fear; I recently bought a "real" journal, so I haven't gone completely silent.

Right now, I'm watching Shane play tennis. Actually, I'm watching him and his opponent warm up. This guy is jacked--good luck, Shane.

Today is the first official day of Summer, and the Chicagoland weather is finally starting to comply. It got near 90 today. Beautiful and sunny. Wish there was some way to make it last.

Because I am too poor to replace my supremely outdated iBook G4, I'm trying my hand at installing RAM in my laptop myself. I bought a 1GB stick off eBay for $40, and it should arrive early next week. My not-so-inner geek is very excited to see what going from half a gig to a gig and a half does for the old Mac's performance.

Speaking of being a geek, I'm so damn excited for the New Moon
movie, I can hardly contain myself. I'm reading the whole series again right now, for the third time. Squee!

Because it has made my celebrity obsession that much easier to feed. And, really, isn't instant gratification my right as an American?

I am not easily distracted--I am purposefully distracted.

I run from one obsession to the next, never really looking back, all to keep my eyes focused on something other than this.

I create a cacophany of need, all to make sure the silence will never come to make me really think.

I so love the Dick Van Dyke Show. It's like macaroni and cheese in visual form--you know, comfort food.

I also love Twitter. Just joined on Saturday, but I'm already clearly addicted to knowing what Ashton, Demi and Diddy are up to 24/7.

:0)

For not only completely failing to be empathetic, but suceeding in 1) making me feel bad for wanting empathy and/or symapthy and 2) making me feel stupid and small at the same time. Such talent. Bravo.

I'm not wrong about myself. About a lot of things, I am wrong, but I can see what I am pretty clearly.

While sitting at gate B12 here at Midway, I've made the unfortunate discovery--I don't like traveling for work.

Today, I am on the 6:45 am flight to attend the Mid-America Trucking Show in Louisville, Kentucky. Rock.

I woke up at 3 am for this, and to say I am not pleased would be putting it lightly. Sigh. At least I have two episodes of the Gilmore Girls and the only Disney film I have yet to see, Cars, on my iPhone to amuse me.

I hate flying. Something always goes awry. Currently, I am sitting at the Tampa airport hoping I can get on standby for the 4:49 flight to Atlanta, so I can get to bed at a reasonable hour. Sigh.

Jackie's wedding was fun. A bit chaotic, but fun. Glad I got to see everyone. God knows when--or if--we'll all be together again.

The weather was lovely, but colder than I thought. Especially at night. This is useful knowledge for planning my own February wedding in Florida. ;0)

I have an interesting waiting spot here in Tampa. They have these odd outdoor smoking cages that are balconies off the gate, with giant glass windows--I assume so the smokers can see if their planes are boarding. Anyhoo, there's a row of the ever-comfortable airport chairs facing the cage, and that's where I'm sitting. It's kinda like being at the zoo. Watching the smokers in their captive habitat.

I have the BEST boyfriend in the entire world. :)

I like to believe I was too unique to fit in, but the truth just comes into sharper focus with each passing year. And that is that I'm just terribly uninteresting and uncool.

Awesome.

Bah. I feel freaking awful. After a non-stop dizzyfest yesterday, I am now exhausted, not hungry in the slightest (very unlike me) and suffering from a bad case of the brain fuzzies. Not my most productive day at work, let me tell you. I'm currently sitting at Starbucks on my lunch break.

To top off the sucking that is today, my mouth is being ripped to shreds by my funtastic braces.

Win!

Gah. I am so tired. Chlorine always wipes me out.

This just in: I don't like children. Especially the ones who were raised in a barn. What this means for me having a family, I don't know.